Where am I? I am sitting at my kitchen table, drinking coffee letting the Barbarians sleep a bit more. We have a big day ahead of us. Yesterday, we cut two loads of firewood before rushing off to the school so that the older two, S and Z, could play in the marching band. We will cut 2 more loads today. We have had a crazy, mostly wonderful summer and fall, and as a result, we are behind in our firewood collection. I heat my house solely with firewood. I am in a tight spot, but we will get it done. How?
Capacity building. S and Z, aged 16 & 14, are big, strong capable boys. There isn’t much that I cut that they can’t get in the truck. Every now and then, I need to send one of them for a maul, but mostly, they get it in the truck. M, the little guy at age 9, carries what he can carry. This weekend, it’s Sunday evening now, I would run the chainsaw for about an hour until it ran out of fuel. As I finished taking off my safety gear and putting away the saw, they would be putting the last of the logs on the truck. Later, after we had some lunch, and we did some chores while watching the Steelers game, we went back outside. Z split wood while S and M brought firewood in the house. Me, I was on the roof trying to patch would-be leaks. When I finished on the roof, Z and I were swinging mauls in unison. It was cool man, very cool. Later S helped me bring down the 40 foot ladder and put it away. We are a well-oiled machine, but only because we spent the time developing skills building capacity.
On capacity building. Perfectionism and micromanagement are the enemy. The key is to build habits. A few years ago, when I first started my older boys with splitting wood, I started them with a wedge and a small 8 lb. sledge. It was easier for them to swing the small sledge, and it was easier for them to hit the target of the wedge. But, the pivotal weekend occurred when my Dad came for a visit. He supplied sound effects and a cheering section for each swing! Wow! Talk about turning a chore into a party! You can always coach them later. Build the habit of doing first!
Why am I writing this blog? Society needs Dads to step up. Google Dad’s role in parenting. I’ll wait...Ok, glad to see that you are back. You are needed!
Listen, I am not an expert, nor am I a guru. Yes, I have worked with kids professionally for almost 30 years, and I have been a Dad for 16, but in the end, I am just a Dad trying to raise my boys and make the world a little better. I screw up. My body is covered in scars from instances where I got it wrong. Getting it wrong is easy to do, and it is easy to witness wrong being done. Getting it right is not so easy to do, and it is not so easy to identify as it is happening.
This is why we all need sound effects and a cheering section! We need a sounding board, and an inspiration corner. This is the purpose of the blog.
My goal for myself is to get in one blog post per week. Hopefully, my tales will make you think about what you are doing with your kids. If you have questions, ask them. If I have an answer, I
will give it. If I don’t, I will put it out to the community and see what It can do for you.
What is our Quest? We seek the Grail. What is the Grail? To be awesome Dads!
May you have a Quest-worthy week!
TonyB
Hi Tony! Looking forward to the blog and the conversation. I've got 10 and 12 year old boys that I'm doing my best to raise to be kind, helpful, generous, caring men. I think the best example I've given them so far is my willingness to admit when I'm wrong - if I can give them the ability to realize and address their flaws, I'll feel pretty good :-)
ReplyDeleteSorry so late in replying. I didn't think that anyone would actually comment. I agree that a willingness to admit when one is wrong is incredibly important. I think it sets them up for a wide variety of beneficial outcomes including the fostering of a growth mindset. Kudos to you!
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